Move In Week:
The first day before I officially started school, I wanted to have everything packed and ready inside my new room in my new apartment before class started the next day on Monday (08/22). I have to say it was really hard and sad to leave my family behind as I was driving away with all my stuff in the car.
After I told my good-byes and while I was driving away, my parents were standing in the garage watching me leave; I said goodbye probably like 5 times at this point. I looked up at them one last time as I was backing up and I noticed my dad was avoiding eye contact and I realized why. My dad was tearing up and he had a frown on his face that literally looked like this > :( . It was the saddest thing to see which hit me even harder because everyone knows my dad as the big tough dad. It's been three weeks now, and every time I come visit and leave I still cry like a baby on my drive back to my apartment. I guess I wasn't sad moving away but more of I felt sad for them because both of their babies were moving around the same week. My sister has already been living away for school since fall 2014 anyway, but for the last twin to finally leave the house felt drastic. But I always look forward to seeing them and honestly leaving doesn't get easier.
College Loans:
It is my first semester taking on the responsibility of paying my own bills and rent each month, and this is my first semester I had to take out loans. I calculated that by the time I graduate, I will be about $15K in debt and with the little extra they gave me, I can only spend $3 a month, A MONTH! So by next semester I don't know how food or groceries will work which scares me cause I love food so much. I can't picture myself working and doing school at the same time yet. I am always doing homework and I still can't find enough time to finish it and understand the homework, so I can't imagine adding work to my workload. But I will find a way eventually!
Being Different:
Because I am studying mechanical engineering, I am usually one of the only few women in the class. I'm not going to lie but it gets a little lonely. I feel like I'm left out of the real friends I could make at school because of my major. I would hate to join a sorority because of how pricey it is and how time-consuming it is. I like that I am usually the only woman in my engineering class, but at the same time, it is truly a challenge! To get your voice heard and your opinions and ideas out in your labs are something I know I have to get used to in school and later for my profession, which I am fine with doing. I have always been dominant with myself and others but now I just have to learn to be more aggressive in this field where it is dominated by men. I have always been passionate and determined to finish my degree as an engineer, so whenever the day comes when I find more ladies with the same major who are just as smart and independent will be great! I couldn't want more than look back 10-20 years later, and we're all drinking our glass of wine smiling knowing we suffered and worked so hard to beat the odds together.
Trying to find the new balance:
I am always doing homework and when I meet new strangers and they ask me what I do for fun... I tend to just stumble upon the question and feel ashamed when I answer which I shouldn't. I tell them that I am always doing homework, like all the time and the gym 2-3 times a week. But if it's not the gym or classes, I would be in tutoring, library and up late doing homework. Which is perfectly fine, but it's gotten to the point where I need to learn to just relax and just not worry all the time about my workload. I am great at time managing my homework and I never procrastinate. I just don't understand how people can do it all. Like I have seen before, you can't have all three; Sleep, Social Life, and Good Grades.
Always asking Why? :
I still ask myself every single day why I go to UTD and now I don't even know why I chose UTD over UT Austin when I always imagined myself going to that school for over 5 years. I knew UTD was closer, but damn this school is just unnecessarily expensive and harder than it should be. Every time when I meet a new stranger and they ask me why I chose UTD, I find myself more stumbled on why and less enthusiastic on why I did pick this school. I hope this school starts to grow on me or I find a good reason why this school was better for me than the other schools that benefitted me more.
I know it's only the first few weeks of school, and I expected this transition would not be easy. So I know financially I will find a way, grades will get better, and in time this struggle will be something to laugh about and be enlightened from.
